Four years ago, when I was living by the sea in Wales, a good friend dropped by to stay the night after a weekend of cold, hostile, possibly sewage-drenched surfing. He brought a gift. Being the ungrateful sort, I flung the gift in a drawer. It graced the back of a number of drawers in the intervening years.

He visited me again last weekend, and The Gift was mentioned. We were hungry. It was time. The Gift was the Toastabag, a device of such brain-frazzling useless brilliance that I recommend that you buy one without hesitation. In case you haven’t figured out the seismic cooking shift brought about by this invention: the Toastabag allows you to cook things in your usual kitchen toaster by placing the foodstuff of choice into the bag, and – yes – toasting it.

So we made the inevitable cheese and tomato toasted sandwich as suggested by the ludicrous advert, and the results were both delicious and thrillingly pointless.

Novelty records are also delicious and thrillingly pointless. Novelty records get a bad press, but actually, they’re the stick on which the candyfloss of pop music clings too.

The Beatles‘ I Wanna Hold Your Hand is brainless, throwaway and more fun than ought to be legal – the definition of a novelty song. So, all hail ‘novelty’ music, and shed the associated bad feeling by listening to Today’s New Band, RevoLucian.

RevoLucian has capitalised on the scurrilous release (and subsequent internet sensation) of that audio track of Batman star Christian Bale totally – TOTALLY – flipping out on set. He created Bale Out.

In doing so, he’s created the first remix of anything that has taken something of genuine, open-mouthed brilliance and made it one hundred times better. “DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING TRASH YOUR LIGHTS?” screams Bale, over the angriest, most in-yer-face techno you’ve ever heard.

If the original audio tape made you laugh, when it’s teamed up with a cripplingly aggressive soundtrack, you’ll feel like you’ve been hit in the back of your head with a brick. RevoLucian aims his target wide and unsparingly – his Sarah Palin Remix cuts to the core of the terrifying insanity that is her life more effectively that a dozen righteous newspaper columnists.

But it’s his Bale Out mix that is perfect: a great song that will be relevant today and gone tomorrow, but for the short time that it’ll have current meaning to you, it’ll be the best song you’ll have ever heard. Brilliant. Well done, RevoLucian, the truest pop musician in the world – today. Listen here!

PS Thanks, as always, to ANBAD contributor Jamie for bringing Bale Out to my attention