>Today’s New Band – The Steppouts

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Right now, I’m a one-man phlegm-factory. Thick, evil wads of the stuff. My head feels like it’s in a vice, and not even in a moderately entertaining way like in Casino. I caught this cold from a baby. Babies always have the worst colds.

The only weapon against this kind of aggressively omnipotent mucus is – and this is true – very spicy food, black coffee, neat whisky and noisy music. If you’re unsure, follow this simple rule: all the things that sanctimonious 1950’s public service films warned you about are your go-to weapons of choice.

Today’s New Band, The Steppouts are from Texas, so probably know all about being told that their favourite leisure activities are morally corrupting and offending The Jesus. And, supplying the loud musical dosage I need, their songs are broad, rough, raw, rock.

Tiger prowls into a strut, ends as a stomp, and takes an uncompromising rock route – “I can quit any time, but then I’d have to stop.” Funnily enough, Venison Stew is a hearty, rich and satisfying concoction; bluesy, naked, and tough.

If this kind of testosterone-drenched description makes The Steppouts sound like the sons of Ted Nugent, then I apologise. They’re not crass or blunt at all. They’re actually sensitive and thoughtful. It’s just that they can only explain their feelings via the medium of gutsy, crunchy, pared-down rock.

If they were a meal, The Steppouts would be a rare, gristly steak, with another, even rarer steak on top. They’re man music for modern men – the kind who’ll play their songs whilst chopping wood, and then rub a Scandinavian hand cream into the blistered palms. Mmm, supple. Listen here!

>Today’s New Band – Responsible Monster

>When the Brit Awards come around every year, the same old stories get hauled out by the media, like guilty schoolboys in front of the headmaster. The time when Jarvis flapped his buttocks at Michael Jackson. The time when one of the professional anarchists from Chumbawumba threw a bucket of water over the deputy Prime Minister. The time when the KLF teamed up with Extreme Noize Terror, shot blanks at the audience with a machine gun, and dumped a dead sheep on the steps of the venue.

All of those earth-shattering middle-fingers to The Man occurred over a decade ago, but still lend The Brit Awards an edge that its bland, uber-corporate reality doesn’t deserve at all. When this year’s annual back-slapping parade took place, pleasingly, it was tedious, dull and uneventful – hopefully to the point that people will stop caring so much in the future.

The only high point was the Pet Shop Boy‘s medley of hits at the end, which even the combined efforts of Lady Gaga and Brandon Flowers couldn’t ruin. The first ever albums that I obsessively listened to as an 8-year old were the Pet Shop Boys’ Please and Introspective, which occupied both sides of a TDK C90 tape. The songs formed my musical grounding, and really, looking back, I’m relieved that it was songs like It’s A Sin and Suburbia and not any other late 80’s pop nonsense.

I don’t know exactly what influenced Today’s New Band, Responsible Monster, but from the sheer unusual nature of their insistently worrying sound, I’d hesitantly guess that it was more Ted Bundy than Bros.

Songs like Darwin revel in some sort of delightful confusion, lingering threateningly between slick funk, boisterously broken clank-pop and then vocal stylings of a deranged mass-murderer. It’s a sprawling, relentless and inventive 8-minute journey into someone’s personal hell – albeit a hell with really lovely furnishings, table service and a sprinkling of concerned-looking Page 3 girls.

Doll Bride Mask is either the first ever recording of the voices in a serial killer’s head, or simply the music he’d listen to to get pumped before another killing spree. Dense, nicely incoherent and filled with contorted, afflicted noises and beats, it reveals that Responsible Monster is in full control of his creative faculties, if nothing else.

Responsible Monster: inventive to the point of sonic schizophrenia and bizarre enough to have you glancing over your shoulder. Mood music for murderers. Listen here!

>Today’s New Band – Parasite PLUS! Fight The Power!

There’s a protest outside the big BBC building in Manchester. It’s anti-Palestine or anti-Gaza; I forget which. A few days ago, it was in a sorry state – one middle aged woman harrumphing at the world, a cardboard sign, and some candles. But last night, troops rallied, a large-ish, vocal group were there banging the same metaphorical drums as ever.

They had a song that went, “We’re together! We’re united! We will never be defeated!” It sadly lacked that little bit of pizazz to really, incisively shake the evil empire out of its corporate fug. Sadly, not one of the protesters had even a cursory knowledge of Sham 69‘s back catalogue, as they would have known that “divided” would have been a much better rhyme for their final couplet. Frankly, by the looks on their faces, “We will never be delighted” would have been more appropriate.

Some people just need a wall to bang their heads against. In this group’s case, the TV studios where they film BBC Children In Need is close enough to The Man to suffice. The only banging of heads induced by Today’s New Band, Parasite, will be those that occur on the dancefloor of a sweat-drenched club when the involuntary arm-flailing his truly mentalist tunes cause take their toll.

Parasite is a DJ who, seemingly, whelps outrageously hardcore jungle tunes. That, and the fact that they’re brilliant is all you need to know, in many respects. The fabulous thing about music this out-there and non-inclusive is that it will deter anyone who is even a tiny bit concerned with artifice. If you’re the kind of person who worries that your skinny-tie-and-ironic-tanktop will be simply ruined in the sweat-pit conditions of a jungle or breakcore nightclub, stop reading now.

If, though, losing it on the dancefloor for six straight hours, until your limbs, ears and mind are all aching is your idea of a good time, then his music should be clutched close to your clammy chest. Parasite’s songs are designed for losing yourself in exactly these conditions. Now Get Ill, straddling novelty and mind-shredding brilliance; I Love You Baby, pounding you into broken submisison with ragga-jungle clout; Strong Like A Lion providing quasi-respite, bubbling and echoing before it zips into banging mentalism again.

Parasite makes music with a smile on his face, but is dead serious about having a good time. Music for the fans, by the fans, with no regard for being named on any hipster magazine’s ‘cool’ list. You may not like the sound, but the reasoning’s perfect. Listen here!

>Today’s New Band – Pre

>Anyone fancy taking part in a small scientific experiment? Great. Follow these instructions to the letter, please. First, bash your head against the table in front of you. No, go on – it’ll be fun, I promise. Assuming your initial attempt was slightly cautious, now do it again, but harder. And repeatedly. But not so much that you lose consciousness. That would be bad.

Finally, write down your findings. I’m guessing they might be along these lines: “Arrrrgh, confusion and pain.” And this, of course, is the point of the experiment, as Today’s New Band will have a similar, if less bloody effect. It’s Pre, and they’re the sound of a manic, sweaty moshpit storming the stage, hijacking the instruments and making NOISE. Listen to Dudefuk as an example: a sub-two minute guitar-spazz, replete with screamy yelping and thrashed instruments. The music screams, literally and otherwise, with a real base desire to go crazy, make a racket and get drunk, which, assuming I didn’t miss any lyrics about them being Straight-Edge Christians, is probably true.

It’s not tuneless wailing though – there’s satisfying coherency to the distorted brain-drilling of And Prolapse, a song title that deserves to be elevated to the pantheon of greats that have previously featured on A.N.B.A.D. Ride Ride Ride, thankfully, is not a celebration of the eponymous Shoegaze bore-droners, but actually a 30-second buzz along the Autobahn to Hell.

So: Pre – like banging your head against a table, except enjoyable. Listen to their noize here!

>A New Band A Day is in a tent… Day 1

>Ahhh, holidays. Sun, sea, sand and beautiful, cultured people. All of those things are going to be absent from ANBAD‘s holiday for the next two days, as we cower under canvas at the 2000Trees festival, where rain, rain and even more rain has been forecast. So, while you’re sitting in a warm room, reading this, spare a thought for those of us dumb enough to go to a music festival in the UK, even after years of bitter experience has proven it to be an almost guarenteed washout.

Anyway, while we’re off eating mud, here’s some great bands you might have missed from the ANBAD Archives!

Ace, German band Like A Stuntman!

Super electro-humanoid Finns the Alibies!

Friends of Steve Albini Record Hop!

And Finally: The most mentalist band ever – Coprophagia!

More New-Old-New Bands tomorrow!

>Today’s New Band – Coprophagia

>Ah, Shock Rock. Where would we be without you? Your combination of ‘controversial’ subject matter and RAWK make you a partially welcome addition to the rock ‘n’ roll .

Similarly, Thrash Metal – the most misunderstood of the myriad of Metal sub-genres. Those who deride it see its exponents as Kerrr-ayzeee lunatics who happen to have a bunch of guitars and a love for CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA guitar sounds.

So who would be brave enough to combine both of these under appreciated facets of rock? Bid welcome to today’s new band are Coprophagia. The act of coprophagia itself is the worst thing you can imagine doing, and then after you’ve done it, going and doing the second worse thing you can imagine doing. If you’re still not sure what Coprophagia is, have a quick wander over to Wikipedia and back, here.

Coprophagia the band are Japanese, crazy and heavy. Very heavy. They must either have a wonderful sense of humour, or be actually deranged. The songs available to listen to on their Myspace page www.myspace.com/coprophagia666 are called:

Coprophagia (of course)
Lost of Anal Virgin
Final Enema Attack – and finally, possibly the greatest name for a song of all time:
Boost Up Anal Vomit.

For these reasons, and these reasons alone, you should visit their site. Enjoy.

Thanks to reader Scatman Jamie for suggesting Coprophagia as today’s band. If you know a band that would be good for us to listen to and put on the site, send us an email at the link on the right! We’ll listen to every band you suggest.

NOTE: A New Band A Day will be running on a slightly educed schedule next week, as we’re on holiday. But everything we’ll be back to normal after that. And for those of you waiting for the next ANBAD radio show – fear not, it will follow at the end of next week.