When I recently went to see My Bloody Valentine, the general consensus as we staggered out of the venue, wiping the blood from our ears, was that it was entirely unlike any other gig we'd ever been to. There was no moshing, no singing along and no middle-aged men standing near the back 'appreciating' the band, just a room full of shell-shocked gawpers struggling to comprehend the savage softness of the noise that was comically blowing their hair backwards and flapping their collars around.

The other universally agreed point was that the experience of having carefully constructed white noise smash your ears into submission was actually intensely calming, and we left in a strangely Zen-like state which was only later voided by cut-price rum at the Star and Garter. Still, we were left in no doubt of the powerful enjoyment to be had from ridiculous noise. Thus, push cotton wool into your ears now and prepare to be overwhelmed by Today's New Band, Insecticide Lobotomy.

The sounds Josh from Insecticide Lobotomy makes are, in effect, just noise - but put together with such care and precision that it's ridiculously enjoyable. Rotor Disc is the sound of you being locked inside a steel drum and then someone using a blunt circular saw to buzz you out. Toxic Waste Drum grinds, growls and hisses and Late Night Practice is deeply dark and intimidating.

The only realistic course of action you can take listening to the music is to just let go and allow it to wash all over you - a tsunami of spasmodically repetitive high- and low-end fuzz boring into your brain and removing all thoughts except acknowledgement of the noise itself. It's a great, cathartic sluicing-out of of all other music from your mind, and whilst it's a tough listen at times, you'll miss it the second the sounds stop. Lovely, soft/hard, confusing stuff. Listen to it all here!

Labels: mind enema, my brain hurts, NOISE

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THE GREAT NEW BAND CULL CONTINUES!

What is it with bands splitting up so soon? It's painful to see them cut down before they've even had a chance to be in their prime. Look at the past examples on A..N.B.A.D. - the wonderful The Royal We recorded a lone, brilliant, EP and then got all grumpy and split up and then, on Monday, the super Held By Hands imploded, leaving us with just a few, lovely, sad tracks to remember them by.

So it appears that A New Band A Day has the reverse Midas touch - this is the second time this week that a band has split up just days before they are featured. And it's only Wednesday. Perhaps we should have Bon Jovi or The Kooks on here on Thursday and Friday, and see if they do the decent thing. Therefore, take this opportunity to have a peek into the coffin of Today's New (Dead) Band, Everything We Say Is Fact. They slipped into a musi-coma last week, and the machine was switched off shortly after. From the sounds of their FRANTIC, mentalist music though, they lived life to the full, and must have been dragged to Noise Rock Heaven kicking and screaming, because, well, that's pretty much how their breathless songs sound.

Of all the weather patterns that get me a bit grouchy, windy days are up there with fine drizzle, but on Ewsif Hates Blustery Weather, Everything We Say Is Fact demonstrate that they REALLY hate it. Guitars grind and howl whilst the drums get punctured from the ANIMAL! ANIMAL! ANIMAL!-style treatment they receive, and, just to makes sure everyone is aware of their message, there's about 3 or four false endings. Their other songs, like Noah Won't Let Me On The Ark, are all approached with the same forehead-stoving enthusiasm.

You could approximate Everything We Say Is Fact's sound and impact at home if you put all of your pots, pans and cutlery in a bin, then climbed in yourself and rolled it all down a hill. But much easier than that is to just listen to their songs, right here, right now.

Labels: kiss of death, my brain hurts, NOISE

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The only printed magazine I bother reading is Viz. It's a comic ostensibly aimed at adults featuring solely puerile humour. One of its characters, Ravey Davey Gravy, features it's 'hero' in all manner of mundane situations - testing doorbells, walking past bleeping burglar alarms - and finding enough Rinsin' Choonage in the sounds have Have It Large. If there is a point to all this idiocy (and this is stretching it) it is that humans love repetitive noise. It's been well documented in less toilet humour-inclined publications.

Today's New band, Gilda Bliss, is aware of the power of the same sounds coming at you again and again and again. The music isn't anything that would get Davey's motor running - their aren't anywhere near enough BPMs to encourage the breaking out of whistles and glo-sticks - but it is a powerful force used to create spookily evocative aural pleasure. Fnarrr, fnarrr. (Damn you, Viz.)

Dead Dog Dad has a similar Zen-by-noisy-repetition effect to My Bloody Valentine's infamous 'holocaust' ending to their live shows, except this time, you can simply turn it down when it gets too much, instead of holding your hands over your ears and weeping for 25 minutes. Dead Dog Dad phases in and out, over and over, like a sound-wave experiment you might have done in Physics at school. Like any repetitive noise, initial curiosity is followed by weariness, which is then followed by a zoned-out feeling of security.

It's this feeling that Gilda Bliss seems use his music to have a good rummage around in, with other sound-slabs, Small Imperfectly Formed and The Mistake also rolling out of the speakers like an audio fog. You won't be dancing, but you will be feeling overwhelming feelings of calm, or creeping horror., or both. Great. Listen to Gilda Bliss' repeato-noise here!

Labels: NOISE, repeat after me, SATAN

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Jesus Christ Monkey Balls, the process of choosing Today's New Band was akin to pulling teeth. No, actually, it was worse - physical pain is only temporary, but the mental scars from today will never fade, and will lurk in the corner of my addled mind to taunt me again just when I least expect it. It was a classic example of one of those moments when you just can't decide what CD to put on, and end up spending half an hour staring mutely at your shelves of CDs, reading the names and mentally writing them off as 'not quite right for now', whilst a pool of dribble from your limp jaw starts to moisten your socks.

In the end, just when I was about to start knawing on my fists with frustration, I found the band I wanted, having skipped over any number of lovely Swedish jangly guitar bands and stereotypical French BANGIN' CHOON merchants.

On most days those bands would have had me farting with glee, but today, the desire for a deliberately obtuse, brain-spazz noise-spewer crept up my trouser leg and grabbed me by the balls. As such, after the painful ordeal of searching for the right noise to satiate this idiot desire, one band stood out like a WAG in Lidl.

Thus, Today's New Band is the wonderful Microwave Windows. They have no songs, as such. What they do have is mind-fisting noise that is possibly sucked from the skies of a planet in a different solar system at the precise moment that their local sun decides to explode. Microwave Windows say that they use, "the Multimode Delay Line Distribution System (MDLDS) to generate 600 MW pulses for the accelerator by storing RF power from multiple klystrons and switching that power to the appropriate accelerator sections". This may or may not be nonsense, but when you've heard the sounds on their Myspace page, it'll sound all too plausible. Or your thought processes will be too garbled to know if it is or not. Listen to their logic-destroying noise now, and then listen to a song you know and love. It'll sound sparkling, chiming and new. Microwave Windows are an enema for the mind. Awesome.

Labels: mind enema, my brain hurts, NOISE

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***See below for the EXCITING CONCLUSION of GLIB COMPARISON WEEK - the gimmick that wouldn't die***

So, we're finally at the end of a great week on A New Band A Day, and to round it off, here's a band that will extinguish any lingering lethargy from your withered, useless bodies. That is unless you are a footballer's wife, in which case looking withered and being useless is all part of the job description, along with painting your skin with creosote and wearing the vilest, gaudiest clothes that frankly, have probably been invented as a joke by a blind tailor who lights his cigars with your £50 notes. Actually, if any footballer's wives are actually mentally capable of reading this, please let me know so I can contact the Guinness Book Of Records.

So, you've already probably noticed that Today's New Band is called AIDS Wolf. That's right, AIDS Wolf. Just slosh it around your mouth slowly, then suck some bubbles of air through it and really savour the name. AIDS Wolf. AIDS Wolf. I could just keep repeating the name over and over again for the rest of this post and, frankly, it would be enough. However, let's be fair - their music is ace. If you like fuzzing noises, half-terrified screaming and what may be the sound of a drummer being murdered as he's still playing, you'll love AIDS Wolf. If you're not sure whether you love those things or not, you must listen to their song Bethlehem Embargo Crystal immediately so that you can form a considered opinion. Then listen to Letter to Al Johnson, and wallow in the sound of the noise that The Terminator probably heard as he was lowered into the molten metal at the end of Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

Fry your brain, repeatedly, and listen to their noise-mentalism at their MySpace page!

TODAY'S (FINAL) GLIB COMPARISON: Bunnies playing in a field made of delicious soft fudge, cutely nudging bubbles of champagne to each other. Not really, they sound like a Wolf with freaking AIDS, for God's sake.

Labels: Glib comparisons week, NOISE, SATAN

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Last night, the A New Band A Day "gang" went to see Public Enemy at Manchester Academy, who played the whole of It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back from beginning to end. It was a truly brilliant gig: angry, brutal, and winningly political, obviously, but the actual important stuff - the songs - were astonishing to hear live. Poundingly brilliant, funky and loud - the crowd went berserk as they rolled out great song after great song. Chuck D veered between delivering his brilliant lyrical polemic and talking, insistently and sincerely, about his political views, that I was left with the feeling that the world needs Public Enemy today more than it ever has before.

I was also left with a splitting headache and (hopefully) temporary tinnitus that manifested itself this morning and hasn't quite gone away yet. Coincidentally, Today's New Band, Kayaka, sounds like the inside of my head, yet better. Kayaka makes noise, unapologetically and insistently, but noise that, in terms of construction at least, is vaguely reminiscent of that other band who will be gigging old material soon, My Bloody Valentine.

Muggy Hair is tinny, mechanical and driven by a beast of a beat. Gusty Gadget Lucky Joe is a bouncing bomb in a room full of drums and tinfoil, but it's important to note that Kayaka aren't just making noise because they've found new buttons to press on their computer - there's structure and a waft of melody under all that brain-spazzing screeching. If nothing else, Kayaka's songs will shake you out of any Monday morning lethargy. And remind you of the dubious joys of that post-gig feeling.

Listen to their noise-mentalism here!

Labels: I love tinnitus, mechanical, NOISE

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Categorisation - one of the many concepts that send the more humourless rock star into paroxysms of righteous anger - "We don't want to be pigeon-holed, maaan," they cry, whilst continuing to grind out a single style of music for the whole of their careers. Most record shops, though, bravely risk the wrath of these tortured rock 'n' roll artists, and go ahead and categorise CDs willy-nilly.

This is done mainly out of kindness, to make it all very easy for those of us who are not mouthbreathing morons to steer clear of the Best Mum in the World...Ever! CDs in the 'Cds For Cretins' section. Often though, even the most astute of the shop owners will struggle to categorise the bands that are so wilfully obtuse that you will often find a resulting 'Just Noise!!!!!!' section, usually just after the 'Experimental Bolivian Dub' niche.

This is probably where you'd find Today's New Band, Hntrhntr - a band whose love of breakneck schizo freak-out noise-mageddon is only matched by their hatred of vowels. The truly lovely thing about this kind of music is that is entirely polarises opinion - no-one 'kind of' likes it. You'll either find the short, frankly bonkers, songs on their MySpace page such as brth and ptchbtch to be ZOMG!!! AWESOME!!! or ZOMG!!! WTF!!!, with little room for intellectual maneuver. brth sounds like what you'd hear if you were mummified in custard whilst being beaten to death with spanners, and cmblst is what it would sound like if you suddenly fell into a space-time wormhole and found youself 4 miles above Jupiter, descending rapidly through sulphur clouds.

They're headpoundingly brilliant, blasting your ears with sounds from your worst/best nightmares - and you'll decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing within about 10 seconds.

Labels: deranged, NOISE, polarising

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Ah, Shock Rock. Where would we be without you? Your combination of 'controversial' subject matter and RAWK make you a partially welcome addition to the rock 'n' roll .

Similarly, Thrash Metal - the most misunderstood of the myriad of Metal sub-genres. Those who deride it see its exponents as Kerrr-ayzeee lunatics who happen to have a bunch of guitars and a love for CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA guitar sounds.

So who would be brave enough to combine both of these under appreciated facets of rock? Bid welcome to today's new band are Coprophagia. The act of coprophagia itself is the worst thing you can imagine doing, and then after you've done it, going and doing the second worse thing you can imagine doing. If you're still not sure what Coprophagia is, have a quick wander over to Wikipedia and back, here.

Coprophagia the band are Japanese, crazy and heavy. Very heavy. They must either have a wonderful sense of humour, or be actually deranged. The songs available to listen to on their Myspace page www.myspace.com/coprophagia666 are called:

1. Coprophagia (of course)
2. Lost of Anal Virgin
3. Final Enema Attack - and finally, possibly the greatest name for a song of all time:
4. Boost Up Anal Vomit.
   

For these reasons, and these reasons alone, you should visit their site. Enjoy.

Thanks to reader Scatman Jamie for suggesting Coprophagia as today's band. If you know a band that would be good for us to listen to and put on the site, send us an email at the link on the right! We'll listen to every band you suggest.

NOTE: A New Band A Day will be running on a slightly educed schedule next week, as we're on holiday. But everything we'll be back to normal after that. And for those of you waiting for the next ANBAD radio show - fear not, it will follow at the end of next week.

Labels: awful fetishes, Boost Up Anal Vomit, NOISE

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