Hey, did you hear that the Stone Roses are reforming?

You didn’t? Perhaps you should dig around in some of the specialist arts pamphlets to see if they have any coverage of this most monumental event.

OH WAIT: you won’t need to do that, because the mere idea that a once-decent band from 1989 is playing again has sent the UK press into a frenzy of lazy headlines (“The Third Coming” apparently the most common).

We commissioned resident ANBAD Cheese Artist, Alex James From Blur, to express the gratitude of an astonished nation in his own inimitable way.

MIXTAPE:

FIRST! Totem Terrors have that quality that sets a small percentage of bands apart from the rest: lovability. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, because it’s much more simple to enjoy their buzzy nursery rhymes for what they are: lovely, angular pop.

SECOND! Souvenir Driver’s Touching wins the award for This Week’s Most floaty song. It’s so delicate, it barely exists at all. This is a smart move, as it draws us into a world filled with dry ice and dead leaves that is all their own. Like a 50’s slow-dance pop song played at the wrong speed.

THIRD! Ms Mr have made, in Bones, a surprisingly epic song. This is a skill within itself – making songs sound so vast is a combination of tickly delicacy and balls-out bombast. And – hey – they’ve made it work. Kudos.

FOURTH! Vision Fortune mix post-punk and psychedelia, apparently, though you’re probably better off finding your own personalised description and sticking with that – as tremulous, coiling songs like Black Coral defy easy description. Needless to say, these are songs you’ll either love or hate, but who would listen to a song that was merely ‘meh’? OK, Coldplay fans would.