Because, you see, it’s not just any old elephant – it’s a white elephant, and it has the words THE RECORD INDUSTRY IS IN DEEP TROUBLE daubed on it in blood-red ink.
ANBAD dug deep and hired Lnt. Frank Drebin to get on the case and see if he could find definitive proof that the Industry is on its last legs.
It took him the length of one advert break during Coronation Street. He is examining the evidence in our exclusive photo, above.
Quick, before he puts this mawkish nonsense on the CD player, listen to this Midweek Mixtape, post-haste:
FIRST! Firesuite - Sometimes you need music to soothe a tortured soul. Sometimes you need it to hammer your eardrums into bloody submission. Guess which one Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. is? Firesuite’s songs sound like an anvil being melodically played with… another anvil. Great, senseless, noisy chaos.
SECOND! The Deer Tracks – Lordy, it’s almost as if there’s structure to this week’s mixtape: Deer Tracks’ delightfully subdued and delicate Ram Ram is exactly what’s needed after that first buzz-saw song. Songs this light and cool are excruciatingly hard to get right, but here the Deer Tracks have excelled. Beautifully clean.
THIRD! VVolves are another one of those bands that take disproportionate pleasure in misspelling their band name. Miike Snow and Wavves, I’m looking at you too. Do they teach The Kids nothing in school these days? Grammer (geddit?!) aside, VVolves are livelier than a bus of schoolchildren on a trip to Alton Towers and in songs like Birds In Berlin, show that there’s still tons of mileage in the simple pursuit of making a racket with guitars in your mum’s garage. Ace.
FOURTH! That Jennifer Left, you know, is all right. Ha! Take that, weak puns! Black Dog is a song title that I feel like I’ve heard before, but probably not in a song this chipper. Aren’t songs with this title supposed to be about navel-gazing? This one could easily accompany a segment on a kids’ TV show about making pictures with glitter and macaroni. Lovely voice too.
FIFTH! Flamingo is one of those bands that I think need an exclamation mark. Look: Flamingo! is exciting. And such thrills would nicely offset the low-key, hi-tempo delights of frostily cute electro like the mysterious Shend. What does it mean? Where is the song going? Will you even remember these questions once you’ve slipped into a hypnotic state after hearing it? Great stuff.