Obsessing over band names and song names is still not a healthy activity. And yet, here I am, doing it again. Some therapists recommend writing a letter ‘to’ the object of your obsession, in order to help clear out the mind. So here we go.
“Dear Michael, Jordyn and Greg. I am a music writer who gets overly excitable on the subject of band names. Don’t judge me. I was born this way and it affects my life insidiously.
“For example: merely seeing the words ‘Kula Shaker’ leaves me frothing at the mouth, clawing at the sky and thrashing at the injustice of it all, and yet ‘Super Furry Animals’ renders me as placid as a milk-sated baby.
“Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the name of your song Wake Up And Smell The Bad Guys. It’s brilliant. Totally bad-ass. And the song itself is a blast. It’s like discovering a dusty LP of music made by teenagers in the 1960’s after they had a room-full of today’s electronic instruments sent back in time to them. It weaves and bobs and burbles so oddly and winningly that I love it to bits.
“It’s just that… well, it’s Michael, Jordyn and Greg. I know that they’re your names. But please try harder on that count. For me. Please.
“I’d love an entirely abstract name, preferably with umlauts and some sort of pun or symbolism, to allow me to judge you before I’ve even heard your music. Your real names just make me picture three nice guys making good songs, and that won’t do at all.
“Yours sincerely, Joe Sparrow.”